Not ANOTHER Truth or Dare!
by Dwarfstar
Summary: Enter the wacky, scary, dangerous and dowright odd world of the Warriors Truth Or Dare... if you dare. Pun intended. Revised just in time for Christmas! PMs only, people; flames will be used to bake cookies for those that deserve them. :
1. Hello

_Crackle._

"_Hello? Hey, is this thing on? Ah, here we go."_

_A picture, slightly warped and fuzzy, appears on the screen. It's an image of a lean, dark grayish-brown tabby she-cat, with long, rather frazzled-looking fur, wide amber eyes, an unnaturally cheerful grin, and, oddly enough, glasses, which she adjusts before speaking._

"_Hello everyone, my name is Dwarfstar, and I'm broadcasting live from the location of 'Not ANOTHER Truth Or Dare!'."_

_She reaches out and turns the screen in several different directions, allowing the viewer to see the interior of a trailer; dust and grime covers the peeling walls, and cobwebs are in every corner. A roach appears and scuttles through the junk all over the floor. In the corner is a messy, hastily slapped-together nest, completing the picture of shabbiness. Dwarfstar coughs in a slightly embarrassed manner as she turns the screen to its original position._

"_Yeah, bit of a fixer-upper, I know. Too bad I can't take the webcam outside; it really is beautiful out there during the last few days of autumn. Anyway, I'm broadcasting to anyone who will listen. Why? I'm handing out an across-the-web invitation to sign up for the crew who will be running the show. That's right; for no money involved, you can work at one of the most beautiful spots in the entire Fandom, for as long as you want, whenever you want! You'll get free food and shelter (a.k.a. an all-you-can-eat Warriors buffet and your own trailer), medical care, and the wonderful… c-companionship… of your fellow crew members." _

_She stumbles over the word 'companionship', her eye twitching as her smile grows slightly more forced._

"_Anyway, to get there, all you need to do is pack up whatever you want to bring (I'd suggest nothing too delicate), and travel to the Warriors Fandom Gate at 10:00 P.M., whatever day you decide to come. You should be met, sooner or later, by two toms in business suits. One is a tall, dark brown tabby tom, and one is a much smaller black one with huge ears, goggles, and a ginger patch on his forehead; they will answer to Darkstorm and Coalfur. If they're not wearing business suits and you recognize them anyway, give 'em a nice big thwack for me. _

"_If you don't want to be a crewmember, or even if you do, you can still send in dares for any character in the show, canon and OC alike. Just mail it to the meeting place, and Darkstorm and Coalfur should pick it up when they head over every night. There are a few rules, though, for your form and/or your dares."_

_Dwarfstar whips a list from out behind her, clears her throat, and after adjusting her glasses again, starts to read:_

"_Rule number one: Always send dares and crewmember applications in PMs. This way, my account and the story will be much safer from righteous snobs who think that Truth Or Dares are completely against the guidelines (when in fact they are not specifically mentioned in the guidelines at all, and they person never says anything about songfics, which are quite explicitly against the TOS) and that they all suck no matter what. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the Guidelines, and there are lots of awesome people who just don't think about it, but for the most part they tend to be, as I said, righteous, copy-and-paste flamer snobs who mindlessly attack these things, usually without reading the story first, and suspiciously enough have no stories of their own (or they're ridiculously crappy one-shots about the Warriors smoking crystal meth -cough cough-)."_

_By now she is breathing heavily and squeezing a stress doll in the shape of Firestar; you get the feeling she's still a bit angry from some recent encounters. When she calms down and the veins on her head and neck stop pumping furiously, she takes a deep breath and continues._

"_Besides, it's easier for me to contact you about your dare/application if you use PMs. Moving on. Rule number two: in your form, please don't design it on your application with totally impossible fur color, powers, or names. It's OK if it's 'impossible' because the Warriors just wouldn't know what it was (for example, Phoenixwing, Dwarfstar, Nukefur, etc.); but stuff like Mustangchance and Moonbeamdagger and Unicornhorn? _No freaking way. _Also, if you could not send in more than one crewmember application, unless they're twins who are never seen apart or something, that would be really great._"

_She sets aside the mangled Firestar stress doll and goes on._

"_Rule number three: Please try to take it easy on make-out and date dares, as they tend to be rather stiff and hard to be creative with, wasting a portion of show on pure _meh, _when you could have made the show better with a more creative and funny dare_._ Also, I will _not_ under any circumstances use a dare that includes something like having Hollypaw mate with Jaypaw 50 times, make the kits warriors five seconds after they're born, name them all Poopkit, N00bkit, or AIDSkit, and then eat them in front of all the Clans (and yes, I actually saw multiple dares almost exactly like that _O_o)_.That's just sick and horrible, and you won't see it in my show. Also, no rape or havesex dares."_

_Dwarfstar looks sickened for a moment, then shakes her head and continues once again._

"_Rule number four: Compose your messages as if you were going to show them to your English teacher. A few mistakes are okay, but messages that look like this: "zOMGZ THIS IS SOOOOOO AWSOMCN I B IN UR STORY PLZ PLZ PLZ?!?!1?!/!? kTHNXBAI" make everyone who sees them want so desperately to dig their eyes out with a rusty spoon. A few spelling or grammar errors are just fine (I do it all the time), but please, spare the eyes of me and others. Anyway, that's about it, unless you want to go vote for your favorite character so far in 'Not ANOTHER Truth Or Dare!' on my lookup. That's all, folks!"_

_The frizzle-furred she-cat cranks up her grin and reaches out to turn off the webcam. However, in the last few seconds of transmission, you see the screen fall forward and hear a loudly exclaimed "Oh crap!". Then the screen goes blank, and you are left to make your own assumptions about this Dwarfstar character. _


	2. Welcome to Hell

Edit: Hello, new readers! I just wanted to leave this note to apologize for the crapulence of this chapter; I wrote it about a year-and-a-half ago back when I thought random humor fics in the Warriors fandom were the best thing since they put the crack in crack pairing, and while my writing skills have progressed significantly since then (I hope), I still couldn't edit it enough to make it, well, un-crapulent without rewriting the chapter completely. Since I didn't want to do that, this remains in my opinion the worst chapter of the entire fic, which is rather unfortunate since it's so early on. The reason I'm telling you this is so you won't think that the rest of it is as bad as this one chapter. On with the fic!

Disclaimer: See bottom-- cookies if you read all the way there.

A familiar lean, dark brown tabby she-cat with wild fur stood in the center of the Island, looking quite nervous. "Hello everybody, Dwarfstar here, and welcome to Truth or Dare: Day One!"

_Cricket, cricket_.

She glared at the silent audience. "I _said _'WELCOME TO TRUTH OR DARE: DAY ONE!!!" she yelled.

Everyone clapped half-heartedly. Dwarfstar smiled. "Much better. Anyhoo, looks like we have some new crew members, so please welcome (drum roll please, thank you):

"OWLSPIRIT!!!"

The cats up in the grandstands, which had mysteriously appeared overnight, cheered as a ragged-looking dark ginger tabby tom with strange, glittering green eyes walked onstage. He smiled and bowed, right before he was violently knocked off the stage by an apprentice-sized tan blur.

"AAAND TANFEATHER!!"

Tanfeather grinned as she grabbed the mic from Dwarfstar, then bellowed into the microphone: "HI EVERYBODY I'M TANFEATHER!! CROWXNIGHT SUX AND SO DOES SQUIRRELXASH!!!! WHEEEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEE!!!!!!!!"

She proceeded to do the bunny-hop while head banging. Then she started to breakdance. Then, horror of horrors, she started doing what looked like a nightmarish cross between the tango and the polka!

Dwarfstar grabbed her as quickly as she could with her ears flat against her head and her eyes screwed shut and screamed into her face, punctuating each word with a little shake.

"_WHAT_--_ARE_--_YOU_--_DOING_?!"

Tanfeather stopped dancing and winced. "Um, Coalfur and Darkstorm said that I had to do a dare when I was introduced and--" Her eyes widened as the truth dawned on her.

_"I'M GONNA KILL THOSE TWO -BLEEP-HATS!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGHH!!!" _Tanfeather screeched. Dwarfstar stared after her, wide-eyed, as she ran off the stage.

Owlspirit groaned as he sat up, clutching his head. "Nnnnnghhhh…. Dwarfstar? What the crap just happened?"

"Well, I'm not exactly sure," she said as she helped him to his feet, "But I think that Coalfur and Darkstorm pulled one over on Tanfeather, her being new and all."

Owlspirit nodded. "Ah. Continue."

"I _am _sure, however, that unless we get to them quickly, they are in for a world of pain. And that would be very bad, considering we need both of them for the next couple of dares! So up you come, we have a couple of assistants to save! We'll be right back in just a minute, folks, so stay right there for now!

Owlspirit looked around the arena, still dazed. "Where's everyone else?…"

"Oh yeah, that's right!" Dwarfstar reached into her UBER-SPIFFY Pocket of Doom and pulled out a magic wand. She closed her eyes to recite the magic spell that would bring the other hosts and assistants to the arena: "HEY EVERYYBODY GET YOUR LAZY BUHONKUSSES OVER HERE!!!" she bellowed loudly.

One MAGIC POOF OF DOOM later, nine cats stood in the arena. Dwarfstar was, for some inexplicable reason, wearing silly blue star-covered robes with a matching pointed hat; Owlspirit was wearing a hobo costume and a confused look; and a dark-gray she-cat with dark blue eyes and an intricately-designed kittypet collar was dressed up in a princess costume, while a gorgeous pale golden-ginger tabby tom dressed as a prince kneeled in front of her with a diamond ring in a little box.

A skinny brown tom with freakishly wide-open, pale green eyes wearing a silly, **STUPENDOUSLY HIDEOUS **green-and-black Robin-turned-supervillain outfit (complete with retarded tights) was crouched in front of one of those cartoony detonators, belting out a monologue; and a big, dopey-looking border collie wearing a normal T-shirt and jeans was scratching his butt. And, oh yeah, one other thing…

Tanfeather was standing over a big, dark brown tabby tom with giant green eyes, and a much smaller black tom with a pale yellow patch on his head and goggles on his forehead, both of whom had terrified expressions on their faces, and also both of whom where wailing for their mommies, while Tanfeather currently possessed a baseball bat and an enraged expression.

"Yo! Tanfeather!" Owlspirit yowled. "We need them for some dares!"

Tanfeather looked up and snarled. "SHADDUP! YOU CAN HAVE WHAT'S LEFT OF 'EM AFTER I'M DONE!! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Oh yeah?! Make me, -bleep-!"

All the cats in the stadium gasped. Tanfeather dropped the bat and stalked menacingly towards Owlspirit. "_Nobody--CALLS--**ME--A---BLEEP-!!!!!" she screeched, right before pouncing on the ragged tabby warrior.**_

"Oh yeah?! I just _did_!"

"YO MOMMA'S A HO!"

"YO **_DADDY'S _A HO!"**

"What's that?! Your FACE is?!"

"LOOOOSAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!"

"YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I'M A HOST AND YOU'RE JUST AN ASSISTANT!"

"Well hosts can get dares too, and you're only Host 4!"

"Well _you're _Assistant _5_, so you have to do what I say!!"

**"I DO'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO -BLEEP-S!!!"**"THEN WHY DON'T YOU CHANGE OUT OF THAT HOBO COSTUME?!?!"

"**You know,**" remarked the border collie in dog language, "**I don't see what's so terrible about being called a -bleep-. I find them to be quite sexy myself.**"

"Well, you see, Teddy," a much relieved Darkstorm explained as he watched the fun, "To a cat, dogs are the absolute most disgusting, stupid, smelly, ugly, clumsy, slobber-mouthed booger-brained animals in all of Creation. No offense."

Teddy Bear nodded. "**None taken. Continue.**"

"So," the tabby warrior continued, "It is considered an extreme insult to call anyone a dog, including dogs themselves. It's even worse if you use a curse word that was an insult to begin with and why the heck are you talking in dogspeak?"

Teddy shrugged. "**I don't know. How can you understand me?**" Dwarfstar suddenly appeared in the middle of the stage with a poof of smoke.

"With his HANDY DANDY DOG DECODER!!!" she yowled in Darkstorm's ear, causing him to flinch and fall over on top of Tanfeather and Owlspirit, who were now beating each other with kitchen sinks.

"What the -bleep-? Where did you get those?" The two cats stopped beating the crap out of each other to point at the skinny tom with the **STUPENDOUSLY HIDEOUS **Robin outfit. Before Darkstorm could walk over and begin berating him (a.k.a., beating the crap out of him) for not giving him one, everyone had to cover their ears when an earsplitting yowl echoed over the Island and all the way back to the old Clan territories.

"YES SUNHEART I WILL MARRY YOU!!!" All eyes turned over to where Wavepelt and Sunheart were now making out. Owlspirit looked concernedly (is that even a word? Who cares) at Tanfeather, who had turned her back and was now hunched over and convulsing.

"Tanfeather? Are you oka-- EEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!" he screeched as she turned and blew chunks all over him. "DWARFSTAR!" Dwarfstar, still in her wizard getup, turned, waved her wand, and Owlspirit was once again vomitless.

"Awwwww, you were worried about her! That's so sweet of you!" Dwarfstar cooed. Owlspirit forced a grin as he threw an arm around Tanfeather's neck and spoke between clenched teeth.

"Yes, and that was so sweet of her to give me a present," he said between clenched teeth.

"Urgh… can't… breathe…" Tanfeather choked as his arm tightened around her neck.

This tender scene, however, was interrupted by another screech.

"HELP MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone turned AGAIN to see that all the she-cats in the stadium had tied up Wavepelt and thrown her in a corner, and were now groping Sunheart. Coalfur had sneaked up and tried to help, but he'd been thrown against the wall, tied up and thrown in the corner with Wavepelt. Everyone else dashed over and tried to get the she-cats off of their super-sexy friend, but they really weren't getting anywhere until Dwarfstar finally stepped over and yelled:

"_Hocus pocus oderae __shecatium!" _Immediately, all of the she-cats started to smell like month-old crowfood crap.

"Oops." She grinned sheepishly. "Accidentally said 'Oderae' instead of 'Orderae'. Well, here we go again! _Hocus pocus orderae shecatium!"_ Suddenly, all the she-cats except for Dwarfstar, Tanfeather, and Wavepelt were all neatly arranged in their seats. Except that something was still wrong…

"You forgot to get rid of the crowfood crap smell! I mean spell!" screeched Wavepelt. A murmur of agreement went around the stadium.

"Geez, you people sure are pushy… Alrighty then! _Harum scarum oderae shecatium!" _The smell cleared up immediately. "Now that going to list the Hosts and Assistants, and then it's dare time! _Hocus pocus listris appearae!"_ With a MAGIC POOF OF DOOM, the list appeared in thin air. Dwarfstar adjusted her glasses and started reading aloud.

****

"Host 1:

_****_

Host

****

2: Wavepelt

********

Host

3: 

3:

********

Host

4: 

4:

********

Assistant

1: 

1:

********

Assistant

2: 

2:

********

Assistant

3: 

3:

********

Assistant

4: 

4:

********

Assistant

5: 

5:

"Well, that about does it for introductions! _Harum scarum listris appearae!" _The list disappeared.

"Hey, I'm gonna go get a hot dog. Who wants to come with me?" Sunheart called.

"I DO!" yelled Wavepelt, waving her paw in the air (no pun intended). She ran over, jumped on top of Sunheart, and rode piggyback all the way to the hot dog stand. Dwarfstar stuck her tongue out childishly and turned to the audience.

"Now finally we can get to the dares! All right, dare one is from **Sunpaw's Loyalty **to **Coalfur and Darkstorm.** Ahem… '**Coalfur should dare Darkstorm to tell Starclan they're evil! And if he doesn't, then off the cliff with him!**' "

Dwarfstar looked around to find Darkstorm sneaking off. She nodded her head in Teddy Bear's direction, then at Darkstorm. Teddy Bear nodded, then pounced on him and held him down. "Well, Coalfur, it said you have to dare him, so…" Dwarfstar shrugged.

Coalfur walked over to a struggling Darkstorm. "Well, it mentioned me, so… Darkstorm, I challenge you to--"

"DARE HIM! You have to dare him!"

"--Whatever dare you to go tell Starclan that they're evil!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Darkstorm sobbed. "Wait, how am I going to talk to them and tell them that they're evil?"

"_HOCUS POCUS CELIPHONIS STARCLANIAN!" _POOF! A cell phone appeared out of thin air. Tanfeather picked it up and handed it to Darkstorm, grinning evilly as she did so.

"_Hello?"_ a voice crackled on the line. _"Yellowfang speaking." _Darkstorm just stared at the phone. _"Spit it out already, _Hannah Montana _comes on in three minutes!" _Darkstorm gulped, took a deep breath, and began speaking quickly into the telephone.

"HellomynameisnotDarkstormStarclanisevilandyousuckbye!"

__

"Who the -bleep- is thi--"

Click.

Everyone stared for a second, then burst out laughing, except for Teddy Bear, who just continued to stare with a puzzled look on his face. **"What's _Hannah Montana_?…"**

Dwarfstar coughed again. "Well, um, now that we know a little bit more than we wanted to about Yellowfang, let's move on to the second dare. Nukefur, would you read it please?" The lanky brown cat nodded, took the paper, and read:

"From **Storyman3000 **to **Teddy Bear **and/or **Coalfur: 'My dare: I dare Teddy Bear to demand Sunheart to marry him! (If that doesn't work out this is my second one: I dare Coalfur to make Tigerstar rise from the dead, and tell him he's the most cuddly warrior ever!!)'**"

Everyone looked at Coalfur. "Uuuummmmmm………. Do I have to?" The small black rogue looked pleadingly at Dwarfstar, who was picking her nose with her wand while spacing out and singing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'. "Dwarfstar?…"

Dwarfstar gave her head a little shake and pulled the wand out of her nose. "Oh, sorry. What? Yes, Coalfur, you have to do it. But Teddy Bear has to do his dare first, so out of the way!" She picked up the small warrior and threw him out of the way.

Nukefur took over. "All right, Teddy Bear, I'm going to need you to talk catspeak for now, because not everybody has the--"

"HANDY DANDY DOG DECODER!!"

"--Yes thank you, Dwarfstar. So, think you can do it?" Teddy Bear nodded. "Alrighty then, here comes Sunheart now! Go!" Nukefur shoved him in the direction of the hot dog stand, where Sunheart and Wavepelt were cooing and giggling and acting all lovey-dovey as they walked back to the stage.

Teddy Bear took a deep breath and barked in awkward chatspeak--I mean catspeak. -cough-. "Hey!"

Sunheart jumped and looked in his direction. "Hey, Teddy Bear, what's up?" he asked, fur flattening as he took a bite of his hot dog.

"Hey!" Teddy Bear barked again. "Marry me!"

To which Sunheart promptly responded by choking on his hot dog. "WHAT?!?" he yowled, eyes wide.

"Marry me! You not hear me right? Hey, you okay?"

Sunheart hacked up a piece of relish and screamed. "NO I'M NOT OKAY?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'MARRY YOU'?!?!?"

"Mean exactly what I say. You not okay? That too bad. Dwarfstar, you marry us please?"

Dwarfstar grinned evilly. "Sure! Do you promise to stand by each other in riches and in poverty, sickness and health, blah blah blah. I now pronounce you dog and cat. You may make out with the cat!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" Sunheart shrieked as he ran away screaming. Wavepelt growled and pounced on Teddy Bear.

"I'LL TEACH _YOU _TO PROPOSE TO MY SUNNY-BOY!!!" she snarled.

NOTE: This scene has been edited from this fanfic at the request of parents everywhere, for epic blood and gore. We will continue in just a moment. Thank you for your patience.

-Dwarfstar-

As Teddy Bear was wheeled away on an emergency stretcher, everyone looked quite disturbed and sickened. Tanfeather barfed into a paper bag.

Dwarfstar shrugged. "Oh well, we didn't need him for any more dares today. Now Coalfur, time for your dare!"

Coalfur groaned. "How the crap am I supposed to make Tigerstar appear?"

Dwarfstar sighed. "Well, since you're too much of a wuss to do anything, I'll just have to do it myself."

"The dare?" Coalfur's voice squeaked hopefully.

"No, the making-Tigerstar-rise-from-the-dead thing. Stand back, people! _Hocus pocus cadaverous negativri!" _With yet another MAGIC POOF OF DOOM, a huge, dark form took shape as the purple smoke cleared.

"-HACK- -COUGH-, Holy crap what's with the all the friggin' smoke? Where the heck am I?! And WHY THE -BLEEP- AM I WEARING A TEDDY BEAR COSTUME?!?!?"

Owlspirit spoke up. "Hello, Mr. Tigerstar, welcome to CONFESS THAT SECRET! Today's confessee is none other than COALFUR, THE MECH-BUILDING ROGUE!!!"

_Cricket, cricket_.

He coughed and shoved Coalfur up in front of him. "Coalfur, is there something you wanted to say to Tigerstar?"

Coalfur stared nervously up at Tigerstar, who had a menacing expression on his face. Then he looked down at his tiny, fragile body. Then, sweat dripping down his face, he swallowed, looked up, and spoke.

"You m-might want to-to try that p-pizza parlor d-down the street right next to--"

"_COALFUR!_"

"All right, all right!" he sobbed. "TIGERSTAR, I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE THE CUDDLIEST WARRIOR!" Then he curled up into a miserable, sobbing ball on the floor.

"OH CRAP! OH CRAP NOW HE'S GOING TO EAT ME _THEN _KILL ME AND HE'S GOING TO BREAK OFF ALL MY LIMBS SO I WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO FEED MYSELF AND I'LL HAVE TO BE SPOONFED FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE CURSE YOU STORYMAN CURSE YOU OH WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS WHY WHY WHYYYY?!?!?!"

Suddenly, he felt himself being hugged in a crushing grip. "What the--" He opened one eye to see Tigerstar hugging him and grinning like a kit.

"Oh happy day! I never wanted to be a big bad villain, honest I didn't! I always wanted to be a ballerina but nooo, I have to go and cause all sorts of crap and be all big bad and tough, sez my dad! I'm just soooo happy someone finally saw me for who I am! Oh thank you thank you thank you!!!" He then disapppeared in a puff of pink smoke.

"Well that was weird," remarked Darkstorm, who had been hiding in a corner and reading something. Owlspirit narrowed his eyes as he scrutinized the cover.

"What are you reading, Darkstorm? Lemme see… '_The Weekly Librarian_: _Pointy Glasses and Shapely--_' "

"_So, _what's the next dare, Dwarfie?" Darkstorm asked loudly, and a bit too cheerfully, hiding the pamphlet behind his back as an anime sweat-drop appeared on his head.

Dwarfstar cleared her throat. "Well, I'd ask you to read the next dare, Wavepelt, but your paws are all covered with blood. Tanfeather?"

"Yes!" the young she-cat squealed. She grabbed the paper and read the front. "From **Tanfeather** to **Firestar, Brambleclaw, **and **All of ThunderClan: '1**

. **HAVE** **FIRESTAR MATE WITH EVRY SHE-CAT IN ALL CLANS BUT SANDY!**

********

2

. PUNISHMENT MATE WITH SQUIRRELFLIGHT!

. PUNISHMENT MATE WITH SQUIRRELFLIGHT!

  
**3. BRAMBLECLAW MATE WITH TAWNYPELT.**  
**4. PUNISHMENT EAT CROWFOOD.**  
**5. ALL THUNDERCLAN CATS: DATE WINDCLAN!**  
**6. PUNISHMENT DATE SHADOWCLAN.'**

"Tanfeather? You _wrote _that?!?!" Darkstorm mewed, horrified. "Why the crap do you _want _Clanborn cats to commit incest?!"

"Weeellllll….." Tanfeather blushed. Dwarfstar cleared her throat again.

"Um, we'll just change that to 'making out', alrightee?"

_Cricket, cricket._

She glared around the circle. "I _said, _'ALRIGH--' "

"Yes Dwarfstar, we heard what you said. Now we need the cats for the dare." said Darkstorm calmly. Dwarfstar raised her wand and yelled:

"_Hocus pocus Firstarius appearae!" _POOF!

_"Hocus pocus Squirrelflitticus appearae!" _POOF!

_"Hocus pocus Brambliclion appearae!" _POOF!

"_Hocus pocus Tanipiltir appearae!" _POOF!

With each MAGIC POOF OF DOOM, a well-known Clan cat appeared. "Toms and she-cats, please welcooome…." Coalfur yowled in his surprisingly impressive sports announcer voice,

"FIRESTAR!" All the cats, including the TOD (Truth or Dare) crew, cheered and clapped as Firestar, who was quite confused but decided to grab the chance for more publicity anyway (poor sucker), bowed and smiled. Don't ask me how they clapped with just paws. I'm just the narrator. Anyhoo.

"SQUIRRELFLIGHT!" Squirrelflight grinned and threw both paws up in the rawkfist pose.

__

"

BRAMBLECLAW!" Brambleclaw, being a bit smarter than Firestar and Squirrelflight, since the Tigerstar gene beats the mess out ofthe Firestar gene (but enough about that before I get mobbed by angry Firestar fangirls), was a bit more cautious about what they were getting themselves into, and therefore hung back somewhat.

"AAAAND TAWNYPELT!" Tawnypelt, who was wearing a sexy-- I mean, revealing OW! Quit it, I'm just the narrator! Anyhoo, Tawnypelt was wearing a strapless black evening gown and holding a rose in her gloved paws. She glared around the stadium.

"OK, who teleported me here?! I was in the middle of a very romantic dinner with Rowanclaw!" She snarled angrily. Brambleclaw looked shocked.

"Wait, who did you hire to babysit Tigerkit, Flamekit, and Dawnkit?"

--------------------

"WHOOHOOOOOOOOO WHAZZUP MAH HOMI WHAZZUUUUUUUP?!?!" Tigerkit yowled as he tore around bouncing off the walls.

"IIIIII WANT CAN-DAY, UH, UH-UH-UH I-I WANT CAN-DAY! WHOO! WHOO-HOO YEAH!" Flamekit sang (if you can call that singing) loudly as he bounced up and down on his nest.

Blackstar swiped angrily at Dawnkit, who had just bounded up onto a high, protruding branch in the nursery. "Get your -bleep- down here, you little _-bleep-!"_ he snarled. Dawnkit responded by throwing a melted, half-eaten Smore onto his head.

"Bad Blackie!" she exclaimed. "Go sit in the corner!" A boxing glove randomly shot out of the wall of the nursery and punched Blackstar backward into a corner.

---------------------

Tawnypelt shrugged and turned to Dwarfstar. "Whaddya want us for?" she asked, none too politely. Dwarfstar looked at her severely over her glasses.

"It's not your dare yet, so go sit in a corner." The boxing glove's cousin shot out of the wall and threw Tawnypelt back into a corner. Then, a computer with arms jumped over and tied her up so that she couldn't move, see or hear. Dwarfstar turned to the other, now somewhat scared Clan cats and smiled cheerfully.

"Firestar, I believe your dare was first. You have been dared to make out with every she-cat in all the Clans but Sandstorm. The punishment is that you have to make out with Squirrelflight. Well, what are you waiting for? Get to it!"

Firestar looked at her pathetically. "But-- but if I make out with all the she-cats, that would include Squirrelflight!" he cried.

"Hmmm, well, alright. The dare has been altered. Make out with all she-cats in all Clans but Sandstorm and your blood relatives. Now GO!"

Firestar took a deep breath, and walked off to go make out with all the she-cats. Dwarfstar turned to Squirrelflight. "Now, since Firestar took the altered dare, you have no reason to be here." Squirrelflight's eyes widened as Dwarfstar raised her wand, and opened her mouth.

__

"Harum scarum Squirrelflitticus appearae!"

POOF! Squirrelflight disappeared with a shriek. The smiling, wizard-costumed she-cat turned to Brambleclaw and Tawnypelt, who were staring wide-eyed at the spot where Squirrelflight had been. "Now, for the second-to-last dare!" She handed the slip of paper to Tawnypelt. The ShadowClan queen stared at it for about five seconds, not moving or making a sound.

Then she turned, snatched the, erm, 'well-seasoned' magpie that Jaypaw found in The Sight, and without further hesitation shoved it down Brambleclaw's throat. The large, rather emo tabby tom spluttered and gagged, but swallowed it anyway. Sunheart handed him a bottle of ipecac, which he immediately chugged. With a sympathetic look on her face, Dwarfstar waved her wand. _"Harum Scarum Brambliclion appearae!" _The sick-looking tom disappeared in a POOF of smoke. Sunheart shrugged at the questioning looks from the audience.

"Hey, just because we force cats to do humiliating, unpleasant and often painful things doesn't mean we're _completely _evil." Dwarfstar nodded, then turned to the audience.

"All right!" she yowled. "We have one more dare to go, and we're finished!" She turned and read the slip of paper again. "ThunderClan date WindClan, huh?" She looked at the ThunderClan cats present. "Well?"

Said ThunderClan cats immediately moved over next to the ShadowClan cats. Dwarfstar smiled. "Okie-day, that's settled then! Walk safe and don't drink any unknown Twoleg substances found on the way home! Goodnight, cats of the Clans!" She threw her arms up in the rawkfist pose and then walked out of the arena, followed by the TOD crew.

----------------------------------

Back in the TOD Cruiser, which was actually a banged-up old trailer house that the crew lounged around in, said TOD crew were relaxing and resting up from the show. "Well, who thinks tonight was a success?" Darkstorm yowled loudly, lifting his skillfully made leaf-cup full of soda, courtesy of some kindly Twolegs (who were unaware of their contribution, but back to the present).

"I do!"

"Me!"

"Totally!"

"_Moi_!"

"I would have liked it better if I could've killed that--"

"Now now, Wavey, violence is almost never the answer."

"Key word _almost. _And my name is Wavepelt, not Wavey."

Coalfur shrugged. "True, true. To a show well done!" The cats knocked their cups together (since you can't exactly 'clink' cups made from leaves).

Owlspirit looked over at Dwarfstar, who was hunched over a piece of paper. "Dwarfstar, you okay? You haven't said anything since we got back to the Cruiser." Dwarfstar looked up, smiling.

"Oh, I'm fine. But, it looks like tomorrow we're going to get four new crew members. A heavily-built black tom with green eyes, white chest, paws, and tailtip, Twoleg name Sirus. Black she-kit with pale green eyes and a rather evil personality, name Shimmerkit. White tom with black paws, ears, nose, and tail, ice-blue eyes, Twoleg name Hobo."

She smiled proudly, tapping the paper. "I'm currently raising him, and I think I've done a good job so far. And finally, a very strange white tom, looks like a cat, but is suspected to be something quite different, shape-shifting brownie perhaps. Has wide, unsettling yellow eyes, teeth perpetually bared in a Cheshire Cat grin, thin black stripes on face, mask-pattern around eyes, strange talon-like paws with odd black pattern, almost like fingerless gloves, black tailtip, and, (this is why we think he's a brownie), tiny angel wings with black edges." The crew stared at her in disbelief.

"But that's impossible!" Tanfeather cried. "That's the kind of thing you find in crappy Sue-stories about the all-powerful cat named Moonstone or Moonpool or Silverpelt who will save the world from EvilClan! That's an affront to nature! How could you accept him onto our team?"

Dwarfstar looked at her severely, and then continued as if she hadn't been interrupted. "We also noticed that he moves more like a Twoleg, or more specifically an ape--"

"An ape?" Coalfur asked quizzically. "What the -bleep- is an ape?"

Wavepelt spoke up. "An ape is a strange creature that swings on trees and eats bananas, according to Twoleg stereotype." She nodded at Dwarfstar. "Continue."

Dwarfstar smiled. "Thank you. Anyway, as previously stated, his felinity is very much in doubt. We are taking him on the crew because he could very well be a useful member of said crew."

"'Kay. By the way, what's his name?" Tanfeather asked. Dwarfstar looked a bit uneasy.

"Well, you see, he doesn't have one. IF you really need something to call him, he'll answer to Noname. Either way," she stated sternly, looking around at the crew, "He's already been hired, and he's on his way here with the others, and there is nothing any of us can do about it. Anyway, let's all get to bed. It's been a long night, wouldn't you agree?"

Nukefur nodded. "You heard her, everyone!" he yowled. "Go to your trailers!" Everyone began to move out.

"WAAAAAAIIT!" Everyone turned to see Wavepelt standing in the middle of the trailer, paws akimbo. "Dwarfstar, what about the numbers? We already have nine people on the crew. We can't possibly fit thirteen into the schedule at one time, and there will probably be more people to come! None of us will have more than about three seconds of screen time!" she yowled.

Sunheart laid his tail wearily on her shoulder. "We should just have nine cats on the stage at a time, and rotate the schedules. Come on already, I'm tired." He turned to Wavepelt and put on his cute, glassy-eyed look. "Pleeeeaaaaase?" Wavepelt nodded reluctantly, and the TOD crew cleared out of the trailer, heading to their separate sleeping quarters.

Only Dwarfstar remained, staring into space. When everyone was gone, she smiled suddenly. "To a job well done," she said to the empty air, then drank the last of her soda and walked back to her trailer.

------

Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, the Wizard of Oz, the dares, Tanfeather, Owlspirit or Shimmerkit. Wavepelt and Nukefur sort of represent my friend and my brother, respectively; Darkstorm, Coalfur, Sunheart, Hobo and Teddy Bear all represent pets I've had in the past (although Coalfur is a rabbit in real life, and I still own both him and Hobo); Sirus and Noname are two characters I made up; Tanfeather belongs to Tanfeather, or Anonymous Twilight Fan -gags at the Twilight reference-, as she's called these days; and Owlspirit belongs to Storyman3000 (who's not really a man, by the way ;)).

Yes, I called Brambleclaw emo. Yes, I actually posted it. Yes, I enjoyed doing so immensely. Yes, **_I hate _Hannah Montana _with a fiery passion._ -snarls and claws at the locks keeping her inside of her refrigerator- **

Let's see, prize for Funniest and Most Creative Dare goes to… Storyman3000, Cuddly Tigerstar! Don't worry, I didn't just do the 'Tigerstar is a sissy' thing for cheap laughs, it will be explained later on. Now, originally, there were some rules here, but they've been moved to the first chapter. So if you didn't read them already, do so please. ;)

I know, Noname is impossible, but he's been explained as not really a cat, and that really only works once a story.

Welp, that's all for now! Hope ya liked! And if you didn't, well, you're fully entitled to your opinion. I'm not going to try and hide behind the 'I'm a new author plz don't flame me kthnxbai' shield. If you wanna flame, go ahead. Flames will be used to bake cookies for those who deserve them, ignored, or quite possibly laughed at, depending on my mood.

Thanks to all my reviewers (yes, even Iceflight)!

Ciao,

-Dwarfstar-

Owlspirit- ragged dark ginger tabby with mysterious, glittering green eyes. Can be mean-- OK, scratch that, practically explodes when he's angry, very short temper, but pretty nice most of the time. Mortal enemies with Tanfeather.Teddy Bear- a large, dumb-but-sweet border collie with brown eyes who somehow managed to make his way into a story about cats. Greatly enjoys rather stupid and sometimes dangerous activities, such as jumping off cliffs, playfighting with wolverines, and annoying the old lady next door.Sunheart- charming, sweet pale ginger tabby tom with big, beautiful golden eyes. Is constantly groped by she-cats. Engaged to Wavepelt.Darkstorm- dark brown tabby tom who looks almost uncannily like Tigerstar, except that his eyes are green, not yellow. _Very _grouchy, enjoys beating people up.Coalfur- small gray-black tom with almost-red orange eyes, a short, bushy, grayish tail and a pale ginger patch on his head. Plots world domination, is a bit of a pervert, wears goggles on forehead.Tanfeather- small, tan-furred she-cat with blue eyes and mischievous, bubbly personality. Hell-bent on beating the crap out of Darkstorm and Coalfur, and doesn't get along too well with Owlspirit, for that matter.Nukefur- skinny brown tom with pale green eyes, a bushy tail, and a much more whimsical-yet-down-to-Earth mentality than his sister. Dwarfstar's brother.- very dark gray, almost black she-cat with dark blue eyes. Dwarfstar's best friend. Wears an intricately designed silver kittypet collar with matching silver leg and tail bands. Engaged to Sunheart.Dwarfstar- lean dark grayish-brown tabby she-cat with round amber eyes, long, unruly fur, and a reserved, distracted personality, with a touch of mischievousness and silliness. Wavepelt's best friend. Wears glasses, strangely enough. 


	3. The Arrivals

_Not ANOTHER Truth or Dare!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, Tanfeather, Owlspirit or Shimmerkit._

_Hey everybody! This is a special treat for those who stuck by for the months that I was too 'blocked and just downright lazy to update. Yes, this is in fact that rare creature known as a bonus chapter. _

_These chapters will pop up every now and then if I haven't updated in too long, I don't have __nearly _enough dares/truths to continue, shortly after a chapter that I took a ridiculously long time to write, when I want to have a story arc, or just whenever I feel like it. ;)

Also, the rules have been moved to the first chapter, as I stated in the previous one. Now, on with the fic!

4:30 A.M., Horseplace, Second Moon of Leaf-fall

"GET UP, YOU LAZY BUM! GET YOURSELF SOME BREAKFAST! TAKE SOME TIME TO FEED YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TOO, YOU JERK!"

Darkstorm opened his eyes blearily and looked at his alarm clock. It had a figurine of an angry-looking monkey in a classic Broadway suit and top hat, waving a cane and screeching angrily. Darkstorm blinked in confusion, not to mention exhaustion. His alarm wasn't supposed to go off at four-thirty. He'd probably have to get it checked out in Dwarfstar's magic workshop. 

For now, he'd just have to get up and go on with his morning like usual. Dwarfstar had enchanted all the crew's alarm clocks, so that they would only stop screeching once you got out of your nest and showed that you were moving around and awake. Then, if you tried to get back into said nest, it would immediately start shrieking and, if you stayed long enough, cursing. 

Oh well. At least he'd have three-and-a-half hours to himself, to do whatever he wanted without having to dodge camera crews, bossy set organizers, and hyper chatterboxes who try to make your day better by talking your ear off, but only succeed in annoying the living crap out of you. 

As he tumbled out of his trailer, leaf-cup of morning coffee in paw, he suddenly remembered that they were supposed to welcome the new arrivals. Of course, the fact that there were three cats in the middle of the circle of trailers he didn't recognize, and the toy wagon taken from a Twoleg trash heap being pulled by a badger with a stolen construction worker's hat strapped to its head, worn old bulb serving as headlights, with several wagons latched behind it in a caravan with a bunch of luggage piled into them _certainly_ had nothing to do with his sudden enlightenment. Nothing at all.

One of the new arrivals, a tiny black she-kit, bounced towards him, a peculiar glint in her eye. He stared for a moment, wondering why she was so energetic at this ungodly hour, when suddenly Wavepelt shrieked from her position next to the wagons, "NO! BAD GIRL! DON'T STAB THE CREWMEMBER!" He noticed a gleam of moonlight on steel near her paw. So _that _was why she was so energetic. In that moment, Darkstorm did what any sane, normal cat would do; he shrieked like a kit and took off running in the other direction. 

However, in his current zombiefied, half-awake state he probably wouldn't have made it far if one of the strangers hadn't pounced with lightning speed, ripped the knife off of her paw (she had it taped on--cats can hold cups, barely, but they can't hold knives), and pinned her to the ground. "It's okay!" he heard a young voice yowl. "I got her!" 

At Darkstorm's current inertia, it took him about 4 seconds to stop and looked in the direction of his rescuer. What he saw was a tom, an apprentice about four moons out of kithood, sleek and lithe, standing with one paw on the belly of the black she-kit, who was writhing and yowling furiously. "_You_ BUTTFACE!!" she screeched. "I had 'im! You just cost me the easiest kill of my life! You better make sure I never find out where you sleep, because if you do it won't exist, because you'll never sleep again! You little ba--"

Wavepelt clamped a paw over the kit's mouth. "I'm so sorry!" she gasped, struggling to keep her murderous charge under control. "When it said in her profile she had an evil personality, we thought she was just a generic 'mischievous' character, not a homicidal maniac!" Coalfur darted over and stuck a syringe into the kit's front leg. After a couple seconds, her movements slowed, and the shrieking and cursing became a muted torrent of babbling. Wavepelt sighed and dropped her to the ground. "Well, we can't really send her back, and we can't exactly keep a bloodthirsty nutcase around camp." The dark-gray she-cat shrugged. "I guess keep her in confinement for now, and talk with Dwarfstar about it later." 

"Oh, Dwarfstar's here, but she appreciates not being hunted down to talk about these things." Darkstorm, Wavepelt and Coalfur nearly jumped out of their skins when Dwarfstar calmly strolled up beside her friend. Darkstorm glared accusingly. 

"Hey! Why didn't you just magic the knife out of that crazy kit's paw and knock her unconscious?" he yowled. "What were you doing, scratching your butt?!" Dwarfstar calmly laid her tail on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, I got here about the time you pumped her full of my homemade sleeping potion." She pointed to the unconscious kit. "Anyway, now that you've met Shimmerkit, you should meet the others. Hobo, or should I say Silverpaw?" She threw a front leg around the shoulder of the skinny Siamese apprentice's shoulders proudly. "Yep, Silverpaw was raised by _moi_ and Nukefur." Dwarfstar jabbed a paw in the skinny brown tom's direction. "And the rest of my brothers and sisters, and my mom and dad, but mostly me! Now, Silverpaw, honey, do you think you can put her in her trailer? But first make sure there aren't any sharp objects in there or things she could use as a weapon." Silverpaw nodded and trotted off, dragging Shimmerkit behind him. 

"Well, what are we going to do about her? We can't take her on the show, she'll kill everybody! And we can't just send her back, not yet!" Darkstorm said, hysteria creeping into his voice. "And we can't just sedate her all the time, or, or--" 

"Relax." Tanfeather walked up and laid her tail on his shoulder. "Me, Dwarfstar and Nukefur have got it all worked out. We'll have her be the guard. Any foxes, badgers, or other animals that haven't been tagged as ours and with hostile intent are hers to deal with, however she wishes." Wavepelt stared at her in disbelief. 

"When were you gonna tell me?!" she burst out. Dwarfstar cleared her throat.

"Actually, me, Nukefur, and Tanfeather decided on this while you were meeting with the caravan, as we unanimously agreed that she would have to be controlled somehow, and that was the best method that came to mind." 

"But how did you know she would be a maniac?" 

"Because the author's twisted mind made it that way."

"Author? What author? What are you talking about?!" Wavepelt asked frantically, her eyes wide. An intermission ensued during which the holes in the Fourth Wall were repaired, and she had only a foggy recollection that something didn't quite ring true about Dwarfstar's explanation. She had no time to think on it, though, as Dwarfstar caught the shoulder of one of the strangers as he passed by. 

"And this," she said cheerfully, pointing her tail at the big, muscular black-and-white tom, "is Sirus, or Snowfleck. He's Noname's friend, and quite a bit of the reason he's here. Flecky boy here--"

"Actually, I prefer Sirus."

"… Anyhoo, Sirus here is actually a Fandom Traveler." At her crewmember's questioning looks, she hastened to explain before the fourth wall cracked again. "Let's just say he's a veteran." Sirus pulled away and trotted towards his trailer, grumbling something about 'darn kids'. Suddenly, Coalfur darted over, slipped Dwarfstar a piece of paper, and started whispering urgently in the tabby she-cat's ear. Dwarfstar frowned, nodded and dismissed him with a flick of her tail. 

"Hm, it seems we have an unexpected crewmember to arrive in about an hour. Name, Spottedpelt, gender, she-cat, tortoise-shell with white tail and paws, green eyes with amber flecks, and…" She squinted and peered at the page. "Apparently she has a little flirting problem." A feeling of foreboding settled over all the toms in the vicinity. Before anyone could say anything, however, there was a sound of old, rusted metal bumping and squeaking nearby. Suddenly, another, significantly smaller caravan of toy wagons pulled into camp, bearing a single cat and _lots _of baggage. As the badger drawing the caravan slowed gratefully to a stop, a slender, beautiful tortoise-shell she-cat bounded off the one in the front. She padded over and sat next to Sunheart, who was cooking sausage in a pan over the fire, which was rather hard to do as he had to tape the handle to his paw, smiling and coyly fluttering her eyelashes at him. When he didn't even look up, she turned and bumped his flank. This time he did look up, shocked. 

"He's taken," Wavepelt said flatly, moving over to wrap her tail around her fiancée's shoulder. The strange she-cat's smile stiffened a bit. Then she shrugged and began walking toward Dwarfstar and company. Said company, sensing disaster, had bundled into an almost-circle, with enough space for two in between. 

Unfortunately (for Darkstorm), the gap happened to be right next to the huge tabby warrior. Before the stranger could sit next to him and leave the space next to Tanfeather empty, Coalfur darted in next to Darkstorm, a mischievous gleam in his reddish-orange eyes. The heavily perfumed she-cat gave him a withering glare and sat down, trying to stay as far from him as possible, while also trying to stay as far as possible from Tanfeather, who was smacking one paw into the other in a threatening gesture, a menacing grin on her face. 

She smiled and stuck out a paw. "Hi, my name's Spottedpelt," she said, in a heavy, seductive voice, "and I believe we're going to be working together." As soon as she spoke, creepiness forgotten, all toms within earshot (and some out of) began drooling, glazed, slack-jawed expressions on their faces. Until Wavepelt went and slapped them all soundly upside the head. (How she did this with paws, I'll never know.)

Ignoring Wavepelt's icy looks, Tanfeather's grim, evil smile, and the tom's collective drooling, Dwarfstar smiled, reached out and shook Spottedpelt's paw heartily. "Dwarfstar, Host 1! Welcome to the crew!"

"Hey guys, 'sup?" called a tom's voice. Tanfeather's smile changed from sinister to positively wicked as Owlspirit strolled up, and she slowly began to reach for the can of Ultra-Super-Powered Mace that she had found lying around Dwarfstar's workshop. 

"_Nobody calls me a--_" she muttered under her breath; fortunately for Owlspirit (and unfortunately for the next poor soul to annoy her with a full can of pepper spray), a shadow fell over the group. No cat noticed at first, as it was at the crack of dawn and as such a shadow would be quite hard to see, but it quickly grew larger and darker, and every cat heard the sound of feathery wings beating. Suddenly, something happened that nearly made most of them crap themselves (don't ask about the others). 

A white cat with black stripes and almost glove-like markings from his elbows all the way to his strange, unnatural talons landed right in the middle of the circle, nearly knocking everyone over. The very fact that he had human elbows at all, as well as the rest of his strange body structure, nothing at all like a cat's, set him immediately apart from the other crew members. That, and his small, feathery, black-edged wings that fluttered slightly as he landed before folding back behind him. Everyone stared at the odd black markings on the top and bottom of his disturbingly wide-open, unnerving amber eyes in his wide, flat face, almost as if some enemy had scored a single claw vertically across said eyes and left two odd-looking stripes instead of scars. In fact, only the basic structure of his muzzle, his slitted pupils, his tail, and the pointy, black-tufted ears, twitching slightly, gave him the slightest semblance of a cat. 

"Dwarfstar?" he asked in a surprisingly normal voice, except for the slight raspiness that edged it. "I heard someone say they were called Dwarfstar. I'm supposed to meet them here." 

Dwarfstar looked up from where she was still shaking Spottedpelt's paw. "Wha? Oh, that's me!" she cried, running over to shake the creepy cat-thing's talons, leaving a relieved Spottedpelt to give her numbed paw a little shake. "Dwarfstar at your service!" she said, grinning a bit too enthusiastically, the kind of enthusiastic that makes you wish you _hadn't _sold that old shotgun in a garage sale. The cat-thing gave a polite smile, which looked a bit odd on his wide-set, perpetually grinning mouth, and quickly pulled his talons away. 

Wavepelt looked at him from her position next to Sunheart, tail wrapped protectively (and probably a bit too tightly) around him, and asked warily, "And your name is?…"

He looked over and smiled wider than normal if that was possible. "I don't have one, but you can call me Noname." Upon being greeted by a flat stare from Wavepelt, who was of the (rather correct) opinion that Noname is no name for a cat…ish…thingy (pun intended), he bowed to Spottedpelt and Tanfeather. "At your service."

Owlspirit chose this moment to pipe up. "And I'm sure they're at yours, Spottedpelt in more ways than one." Tanfeather smiled stiffly and playfully smacked him a bit too hard on the shoulder with her tail. So hard, in fact, that everyone stared, aghast, at the poor tom, who was huddled against the side of a trailer where he had been thrown, and at Tanfeather, who was smiling contentedly as if she _hadn't just thrown her fellow crewmember against the side of a metal automobile with an unearthly blow that really shouldn't have been possible seeing as to how cats don't really have very strong muscles in their tails and I'm just going to shut up now. _

_Everyone goggled in horror for about twenty minutes, before giving their respective heads a shake and looking around confusedly. During this time, Darkstorm had apparently taken time out and headed to the Screaming Mouse, a snack shack with a rather grisly full-color sign on the front depicting a cat eating a screeching mouse, according to his tracks. Spottedpelt had slipped away also, presumably to arrange her trailer and get some sleep. Following her tracks were a trail of small paw prints that looked suspiciously like Coalfur's. Maybe he was just returning her wallet or something…_

_As Tanfeather, Wavepelt, Sunheart, Owlspirit, and Noname looked around, blinking dazedly, Dwarfstar took this chance to go behind Tanfeather and Owlspirit, and nudge them forward a bit. "Well everyone, this has been an eventful morning, but I think we should all get to sleep before we drop dead and rise up in the night to devour the living in their sleep."_

_The rest of the crew agreed heartily. As Tanfeather headed towards her trailer, Dwarfstar laid her tail on the bouncy she-cat's shoulder. "Hold on a minute, Tanfeather. Silverpaw can't really stay awake all night watching Shimmerkit, and you've been showing disturbingly homicidal tendencies for a while now, so I'll need you to keep second watch." The dark tabby she-cat pushed a protesting Tanfeather into the front door of Shimmerkit's trailer. Apparently it was a bit more disturbing in there than Dwarfstar had thought, because she got a glimpse of Tanfeather's frightened-looking face, which had gone pale beneath her tan fur, before the trailer door slammed shut with an ominous snapping noise that sounded disturbingly like bones breaking. _

_The tabby host stared at the door for a moment, wide-eyed, then shrugged and walked back to her trailer. _

_-------------_

_Wow. Three and a half pages. Now that's just pathetic._

_-clears throat and resumes happyness façade- Hey guys! Hope you liked the bonus chappie (although personally I didn't like it that much)! What? I didn't put up the Allegiances? Oh. Well, when I wrote that bit I wasn't planning on doing any bonus chapters, so from now on, I'll only do Allegiances in chapters where there are shows._

_M'kay! Here's a few new rules that I forgot to post last time, as I was very rushed to finish the chapter (stupid 1-hour computer turns):_

_Rule 4: Please don't send any really nasty dares. An example would be to have Hollypaw mate with Jaypaw fifty times, name all the kits St00pidkit, make them warriors three seconds after they're born, then eat them in front of all the Clans at a gathering (sadly enough, I did see a dare almost exactly like this once). That's nasty and horrible, and you won't find it in my fic. Stuff that isn't make-out/havesex dares (that includes rape dares) or Dead Baby Comedy dares (see example), is A.O.K by me (within reason, of course)._

_Rule 5: Please don't send in generic or impossible characters. Generic includes stuff like 'shy until you get to know him/her, s/he is really sweet until you set of his/her temper' or 'feisty and rude to everyone except those close to him/her'. That kind of stuff. Please try to make your characters as original as possible, or I'll 'flesh out' the character in a way you almost certainly will not like (as you can see with Shimmerkit). An example of an impossible cat would be Moonbeamdagger, the cat who glows neon pink in the morning, bright yellow by full daylight, dark red in the evening and dark purple at night, or Mustangchance, the cat who has rainbows on his flank, or Freedomgalaxy, the cat who changes gender and glows with the light of a thousand stars. Names that normally wouldn't be found in the wild mainly because cats wouldn't know what they were (Phoenixtail, Dragonheart, Velvetpelt, etc.,) are allowed. I mean, hey, look at Dwarfstar, Coalfur, and Nukefur._

_Well, it's time for some last few note before I wind it down._

_Spottedpelt of ShadowClan: Don't worry, your character is not going to be the witch with a capital B, as my sister says it. I've never done a flirtatious character before, and I'm still trying to find the balance between completely normal (and therefore uninteresting) character and total hoo-- well, you get the picture, so bear with me here. Besides, if you don't mind, I've got some big-time plans in place for her and Darkstorm… ;D_

_Be warned people, there will be pairings, however light some may be, so if you don't want your character paired to anyone (that includes other submitted OCs--just look at Tanfeather and Owlspirit. Sorry Glaciershine and Storyman3000!), say so when you PM me. And yes, I do mean PM, not review. Unless you have no account and don't plan on getting one, please send me your dares (which I am in desperate need of) and characters in a PM. Thanka much! _

_Well, that's about it! Goodnight, everyone!_

_Ciao,_

_Dwarfstar_

_P.S. You can send in dares for hosts and submitted original characters too, you know…_

_P.P.S. Go on my lookup and vote for your favorite TOD character! Now I say! -pushes you in that direction-_


End file.
